This is the official
transcript of the original Revelation of
Smokulism which was taped on August 21, 1997 in
the Hollywood of the California.
SMOKULISM: THE REVELATION
I have called you here together
to reveal the inner and
hidden truth behind SMOKULISM - the
National
Belief System of Smokesylvania
(NBS). This was
revealed unto me on the sleepless
night of August 18,
1997 in the city of
Mar Vista, California.
The Spark of Divinity (S.O.D.)
spoke unto me and
revealed unto me several truths in
the form of
12 Tenets of the Faith of
Smokulism (and no
landlords),
and other revelations. 
I have with me tonight the
Council of the Elders
and
Mothers of the Faith
who will discuss with me the
development of the New Order.
We will discuss and consider the
Tenets of the Faith
and the points associated with the
revealed truth.
TENETS OF SMOKULISM
THE NATIONAL RELIGION OF
SMOKESYLVANIA
1. Everybody has a right to be
happy.
2. God is in everybody equally.
3. If you don't believe in God,
that's o.k. too.
4. Nobody has the right to blow
themselves up or set themselves on fire for any reason.
It is in bad taste to do so.
5. If you don't like somebody else
or their religion, at least try to smile at them and
don't talk behind their back.
6. If a man wants several wives he
must sleep with each of them regularly and pay off their
credit card bills.
7. If a woman wants several
husbands she can have them only with express written
permission of each of the husbands.
8. No one shall be forced to work
at what they don't like to do- even if this means
not working at all.
9. Two different pieces of music
shall not be played in the same room at the same time if
they can both be heard by the same people.
10. Banks can't charge over ten per
cent interest for anything.
11. All international disputes
shall be settled by volleyball matches. War is no longer
acceptable.
12. Each human being shall be
encouraged to have fun at least a couple of hours a day.
These are the basic tenets of
Smokulism.
A committee of 5,000 shall be
chosen from among followers around
the world to meet for the purpose of
expanding or changing the law. Their
decisions must be anonymous and
unanimous.
This Steering Committee shall be
in session 10 months out of
the year. Each member shall be paid
$100,000.00 annually. Their salaries
shall be paid for by the
Worldwide Smokulist Organization
by
volunteer donations.
Every Smokulist shall be provided
universal health care
benefits with reasonable
deductibles for themselves
and their
families.
Anyone found guilty of crimes
against society or doing bad deeds in
general shall be made to confess on
TELEVISION.
Schools shall be created for
creating stories and songs about the life of
Count Smokula and his disciples.
Stories shall be created
each more fanciful and bizarre
than the previous ones about his magical
powers, lineage, etc.
but no one shall actually believe
them
or attempt to spread their truth
to anyone.
Lastly, there shall be no
particular clothing design associated with
Smokulism, but new fashion statements
shall be made each year, or at least
on a regular basis.
NOW THAT YOU KNOW THE LAW, BE THE LAW.
As this revelation took place on
August 18, 1997,
this shall be
considered a
Good Day. Followers may sleep
all day on August 18, if they
like. It is also considered the First
day of the Smokesylvanian New Year - but
that is really an honorary title as
the Smokesylvanian calendar shall be quickly
and quietly abandoned.
Mar Vista shall be considered the
City of Revelation
but all people are welcome to dwell in it
regardless of their personal beliefs.
Brooklyn, New York, also the American
place of origin of
The Count shall have special city status.
Pilgrims there may
ride the subway with awe, and caution.
In the early morning after The
Revelation there were pink clouds
in the sky. Therefore you may paint your
ceilings with pink clouds to celebrate
The Revelation - but it is not
absolutely necessary to do so.
A once in a lifetime journey to Baja
California is recommended
as a pilgrimage because The Count enjoyed
that. But drink bottled water.
© 1997 COUNT SMOKULA
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